I was in a bad accident 8 years ago. In the trauma hospital I quickly learned that one can be in pain or one can be hungry. The two can't co-exist.
This was validated by a new roommate who I only heard, not saw, because either my curtain was closed around my bed or hers was closed. She came in complaining of a lot of body pain and she cried, but then had her husband go out and get them subs from Subway. She wanted the eggplant parmigiana sub.
HM, I thought. "She is really hungry, yet in pain." As I heard her talk to the nurse and then the doctor, I picked up that she was actually very nervous and depressed about an upcoming move and she couldn't make a decision about what to do. "I don't think she's in pain," I thought. And it turned out I was right. the doctors put her on an anti-depressant nd sent her home.
I have always been lean. My family is lean. Once, in my early twenties I was fat, really, 70 pounds more than I way now. I discovered Pritikin and lost the weight. (Now of course we know that a total non-fat diet is harmful).
Actually, my fatness started when I was a teenager. I was just miserable. We knew nothing about fitness then. My Mom put me on Weight Watchers, but the OLD Weight Watchers where you had to bake burnt and salty mushrooms and pretend they were french fries. It did not work for me.
When I was fat I just knew there was a thin person waiting to get out. I knew that old cliche to be absolutely true. And here she is, here I am, now.
Anyway, because of my extreme pain,trying to save my leg, learning how to walk again, my weight plummeted into severely skinny. The pain killers seemed to cut off my appetite, too
Let me say now that I have always been a very healhty eater and like my family, without much of a sweet tooth. So, my friends who would say, "Wow, this is your chance to lie around and eat ice cream" were revealing their food fantasies, not mine. I wanted to be out of pain.
8 years later I can walk, hike, do Pilate's, and do the treadmill for 15 minutes at a time. Every minute is a victory. There are things I still cannot do because my reconstructed leg and hip don't let me. I have to order two seats in coach for me and my feet because the operation left me with a disabling nerve condition in my foot.
I decided to get better using my instincts. I kept at Pilates even though I could only do a half-hour at first. I kept working even though I had to go up the stairs butt first like a little kid.
And, I decided, I would eat what my body wanted, anything it wanted. I am very good about listening to my body.
I slowly gained back about half the weight I had lost.
8 years later I am stronger and can do more things. I can mingle for an hour at a party instead of flop down on the sofa with my walker and just watch people having fun. Even the most enlightened, I noticed, stay away from the gimp.
It means the world to me that I could mingle at the most recent party (last night)and participate for about an hour before pain and tiredness forced me to go home.Things improve slowly. It's been 8 years. Ihave had to learn to take each tiny victory and be happy with it. And I had such a good time!
My body wants to eat a lot of rice, vegies, olive oil and protein. So breakfast is a big chunk of just-cooked turkey. By just-cooked, I mean George Foremaned. Lunch and dinner are Italian meals.
Oh, also, all my life I have had the habit of eating one dish only until I am sick of it. For dinner I have been having rice pasta, woked vegetable in olive oil, fresh fish, and marinara sauce. It is still the most delicious thing I can imagine.
Chronic pain, as many of you know, never goes away, because it is chronic. i keep re-learning that as I expect my rigorous Pilates workouts to make a difference. And it has. I am stronger, the pain is less (no longer like a lit match to the foot), and I hiked from 8 thousand to 10 thousand feet in the Rockies last summer. I saw a lake I haven't seen in seven years. My first thought was, "oh, my intuitve healing plan is working!" Then I had to spend the next day in bed. but, who cares? When you play, you pay.
Chronic pain kind of batters you from the inside out. So it looks deceptive. No one knows I have it except that I have to sleep after my workouts. I have found that a nap breaks the pain cycle between body and brain. When I wake up again, i go to work where, as a couples therapist, I only have to sit and listen, not use my leg.
Also, no one notices except that comfort, including comfortable furniture, is a big part of my life. I can't really eat at a table. I eat stretched out on a sofa. My friends and family understand.
My wonderful parents got rid of their leather coach and bought me what I call an Egyptian sofa, one with a very low back so I can eat and still talk to every one at the table.
This is the background. You, my reader, are now caught up. Next time I will tell you some funny stories about all of this and how eating and disability can combine or not, but stil be humorous.
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